Get To Know Yourself Better
You might think that the answer to overcoming
these blind spots is to turn inwards. That’s the first
step. However, you can’t do it all alone. That’s why
they are called blind spots. It takes practice in live
conversations to identify the gaps in understanding
between yourself and others.
Conversational Glasses™ Exercise
The easy way to identify blind spots—so that you can
decide how you show up in daily conversations—is
through the conversational glasses exercise.
Yes, like sunglasses! And with these glasses, you can
take control of conversational habits—the first step
towards raising your Conversational Intelligence®
C-IQ Conversational Glasses™ by Roxanne Panero of The
How to Make Your Own Conversational
● Step 1: Pick a frame. Framing a conversation
allows you to formulate a plan. Ask yourself, “Do
I want to take a deeper look into my online or
offline conversational habits?”
● Step 2: Pick a lens. Instead of filtering light, this
conversational lens filters behaviors that either
open up people to connect, or close them down
in fear and anxiety. The table contains a few
examples of healthy, oxytocin-producing behaviors
and unhealthy, cortisol-producing behaviors.
Oxytocin is a biochemical that helps us open up,
connect, and bond for healthy conversations.
Cortisol is a hormone that’s necessary for
regulating stress, immunity and metabolism. Too
much cortisol can negatively impact the quality of
our health and conversations. Select one behavior
from each list, and then write them down—see
the world as the brain sees it—the good and the
bad in simultaneity. One of our common blind
spots involves filtering the good or the bad, one in
exchange for the other.
Healthy Behaviors Unhealthy Behaviors
Oxytocin Producing Cortisol Producing
Listen to connect
Emotions detract from
Ask questions you
don’t have answers to
I remember, therefore
Focus on convincing
● Step 3: Try them on! Now that you have framed
your mind with a balanced conversational lens,
it’s time to strike up a couple of conversations.
Ask yourself, “How often am I engaging in healthy
behaviors with others?” and “How often am I
engaging in unhealthy behaviors with others?”
When you find what is working, cultivate those
healthy channels of communication. And when
you find out what the blind spots are, ask yourself
how you can regulate the behavior so that you can
focus on building healthier connections!
Nicklas Balboa is a researcher and
Project Manager at The CreatingWE
Institute. Since joining The Institute
in 2017, Nicklas worked alongside
founders Judith E. Glaser & Richard D.
Glaser on a myriad of Conversational
Intelligence (C-IQ) projects. Nicklas
is the Manager of the Institute’s
Catalyst Tools and curated the WE-IQ
TV Neuroscientist Interviews. He
authors a blog on The Neuroscience
of Conversations for Psychology
Today. Key research interests include
cognitive and brain sciences as they
relate to interpersonal relationships.
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